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Nam-Nam Chattering-A Story with References to Dracula, Nosferatu, Bethory, Usually in Anagrams

1. In the Chamber of The Duchesse.The neither shekels nor cluckats. --Ah,
Duchesse Frantouse mooned over her fate. Friendel, you forget that she has the ear
Rapunzel had her Rumpelstiltskin, Juliet of the Duchesse! --I remember that it is
had Romeo, Don Quixote had his Rocinante, not a very big ear, Keerah, and almost
but whom had the Duchesse? Duke Snoutfare all gristle. --That is indubitable.
was whom, and he was wont to starve her Perhaps we should kidnap the whole
or lock her in her chamber. She was so chicken, dear Friendel. --Chicken?5.
young and so beautiful. It was too, too Along a Wooded Path.--Well looky here, I
bitter. Snortafeu, her nose-ferret, too do believe I have the pleasure of
betrayed her with the typical little crossing paths with the ever lovely Nam
black eyes and buttery nose of a female Nam Chattering, handmaiden to the
nose-ferret. The Duchesse could rely on Duchesse Frantouse. How fares the great,
only one person; her dear young nursemaid if small, Lady kept in her keep? --Uh oh
and confidante Nam Nam Chattering. Sad to varlots mind your caution you two
say, Nam Nam had problems of her own. Nam remember that I have a quite large
Nam Chattering always spoke in a voice brother from Fleghm who can knock you all
barely audible, her tiny cup-shaped hand to pieces. --Ah, yes, the very large
held frozen in front of her mouth, eyes brother. Surely you are thinking of
darting about. --Milady I desperately Chelm. I heard through eavesdropping on
need 600 cluckats because it's ever so the witches that he is full of nubbins.
important that I get them right now so as --Not today not today I'm late I'm late
to pay my debt to Lacruda the Lowly out of my way. With little further
Liegelord of Chelm or all is lost. conversation the vandals swamped Nam Nam
--Chelm? You mean Fleghm of course. Never with a gunny sack and trundled her off to
fear Nam Nam, I shall will it to you. Now their kidnapping cottage in the French
let me tell you my problems. --But foreign region where she would be free to
Madame I need it now I cannot wait until scream, though that would have surprised
you die it is a matter of utmost even her.6. In the Chamber of The
oh-my-goodness. --Oh Chatters, I don't Duchesse Again.--Mung, Shung and Shinny!
have to die to will something to you. The Where is that nattering Nam Nam. Out
cluckats are yours. Get them from jabbering somewhere, no doubt. Hark! What
Shinglevan. Now, I'm having this fret knight on yonder donkey looms. Ho, he
about... --Pardon Mum if I schreck you knocks upon my portcullis. He enters, he
say that Shinglevan will stake me? sees steps, he goes up, he approaches
--Here, you shall give this bit of garlic mine own cold cold hearth. Tap.
toast to him, he will obey. --I will if --Milady, forsooth methinks I come
you say to but I don't think he shall do a-bearing ill woe betides. --News?
it. -- Shush, if you're not going to --Nam Nam Chattering is carried away.
listen to my woes, get tea. --Hmm tea --Yes, she can be enthusiastic, can't
dumb tea if you ask me. --Off with your she? --What I mean is that abductors
headstrong ways. Get! Warmunuf Potheen have snatched her. --Oh my, can't have
the Tea Officer silently slithered in and that. What shall I do, what shall I do?
served. The Duchesse sipped in sad --I fear they have vulgar intentions
solemnity. Countess Buttery-nose Milady. They have illustrated their
Snortafeu the ferret snuffled around demands by sending along a book of kills
under the dust ruffles and settled in on they might employ if they don't get their
a warm slipper and halfway closed her way. --Frogs in the crabgrass! What do
beady eyes.2. At the Treasury.Nam Nam they want? --You. --Me? --Actually,
Chattering adjusted her lace cap, they want the dukedom. They think that to
whimpered up to face Shinglevan with the rescue Nam Nam, you will give yourself up
bit of garlic toast in her cupped hand, to them, then they will be able to hold
left shoulder hunched, and broke the news up Duke Snoutfare who will give them the
about the money to him. --Oh Cushinglee fief. --Ha! --Precisely. The no bull
Saints Peter and Christopher, Chattering, duke would not part with a comb much less
how did you manage to build up such an the clippings from his fingernails or a
obligation? And, by the way, if you can castle and grounds. They have
spare a few moments, I have a number of overstepped. --You go tell them to let
complaints I would like to tell you Nam Nam loose and I will try to persuade
about. Perhaps you can speak with the the duke to overlook their stepoverage.
Duchesse. --No time now Sir I couldn't --I fanfare forth.7. In the Duke's
help it Sir it's me brother's nubbins you Offices.Duke Snoutfare put one foot upon
see. --Oh Pitiful Martyrs, what's the leathern ottoman, then the other foot
nubbins to do with it? --Well you see up and first foot down. He did this over
Sir them nubbins keeps comin' back and he and over as was his way when pondering
has to go to the witches to get 'em taken serious affairs. --So, Frantouse, my
off and them nubbins they won't hardly unnecessary but nearby love, it appears
leave and I has to pay them witches for that you have lost what sense you once
every time we go and we couldn't pay the had. I do not fathom the depth of your
last six times and so I had to borrow argument. I say knots to them. Nam Nam is
from Lacruda the Lowly Liegelord of not even numnum, what do I care? --It is
Fleghm that's what it is you see Sir. true that you have never been a kind
--Oh Rusty Forks and Spoons, whatever it person, nor a generous one, nor a nice
is I suppose that it is none of my one. Best I stop there. I appeal then to
business. You must be thinking of Chelm your greed, avarice, venality and torpor.
my dear. Since you have brought the These bold varlots could, after all, be
Sacred Garlic Toast, I am compelled to squashed into service as tax collectors
concede to you the shekels. Just a few and we could snatch back Nam Nam. What
minutes of your time, I have only twelve say? --The customary term is 'pressed
worries to impart. --I'll be needing it into service,' but I rather like
in cluckats if it's all the same to you 'squashed' now that you put it that way.
Sir. Shinglevan curled a lip and handed Send for the pressers.8. At the
over the cash. Nam Nam adjusted her lace Kidnappery.--I do believe I have the
cap and tiptoed off to pay up.3. At the pleasure of espying a messenger,
Brewery.Nam Nam Chattering picked a piece Friendel. No, it's a gang of pressers.
of mistletoe as she wended through the --Ill is boding again, Keerah, let us
Witchforest. Soon enough she found the evacuate the premises. --Wait, they are
keeper of the cauldron and got permission sporting the green raiment of
to see Witch One. --Oh Witch One I have friendliness. --Oh yeah, friendliness,
the cluckats which I owe to Lacruda the green raiment, I depart hencewith. --Too
Lowly Liegelord of Chelm but I am afraid late now, they're here. --We bring you
of him do you suppose you could pass them greetings from Duke Snoutfare and an
on to him if it doesn't inconvenience offer. You can accept being pressed into
your witching if it please your service as tax collectors, or we will
witchness? --Ah, the little nubbins squash you. Do you have a preference?
girl! Thanks, I'll take these coins and What say you? --Pressed! Pressed! --You
return them to Lacruda the Lowly where are so impressed.9. In the Chamber of The
they belong. He lives in Fleghm, by the Duchesse Once More.--So Nam Nam, pretty
way. How's brother Skinrah today? --Oh neat rescue eh? Nam Nam Chattering
just fine Witch One thank you I'll be off adjusted her lace cap, placed her tiny
now. --I was hoping you would stay for a cup-shaped hand in front of her mouth,
bit of tea. Witch Two is stewing a brew and spoke in a barely audible voice.
right now, and there are some matters --Well all I can say is that you could
that have been upsetting me lately have at least had them untie me before
regarding the treatment of witches in carrying me back wholesale by them smelly
this Dukery and I would like to have you pressers and I don't never want to see
speak to your mistress about them. that forest no more and if nubbins comes
--Best I be gettin' back as the Duchesse back I don't care I won't do it and that
you know is a fusspot you knew that about goes for your old nose-ferret too.
her didn't you know it? --Yes Nam Nam, Snortafeu nuzzled the slipper further
away you go then. Witch One waved underneath the dust-ruffles, munched on a
goodbye first.4. Behind a Bush.--Well, fly, tilted her head slightly toward the
well, well, I do believe I have the Northwest and sighed into a light
pleasure of espying Nam Nam Chattering snore.The EndJack Wilson is a writer and
walking alone in this forbidding forest. artist practicing in Los Angeles and
--Yep, that's who it is. Why should that Phoenix.
interest varlots like us? She will have




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