| It wasn't that Cousin Charley was mean, or even | | | | was too unnerving.Shortly after mid-day dinner, he |
| irreligious. He just had a hard time figuring out where | | | | stuffed some cold biscuits in his pocket, eased his |
| fun left off and devilment started.Charley was a | | | | single-shot 22 rifle off the top of the kitchen cupboard |
| natural-born hell raiser in a time and part of the country | | | | and quietly slipped away for a bit of hunting. It was |
| where dissent was tolerated -- if not admired -- if it | | | | certain that his outing would extend past the revival's |
| was imaginative and daring. My cousin filled the bill | | | | last "hallelujah."Hunting licenses and game seasons |
| admirably.I wasn't allowed to associate too freely with | | | | were unheard of. You shot whatever wild animals or |
| him because I was six years old and gullible -- while | | | | birds that jumped up in your gun sights. That day, a |
| Charley was 15 and "full of the old Nick." He once | | | | razorback hog come within range of Charley's |
| convinced me that "only soft wood will burn, but hard | | | | rifle.Razorbacks are swine that have wandered away |
| wood, like this here by the back door, will only scorch if | | | | from farms and gone wild. Their descendants are long |
| ya put a fire to it."If'in ya don't believe it, just try it. | | | | legged, muscular and agile. Without the easy living of |
| Here's a match."Eager to test this Great Law of | | | | captivity, the wild hog has no fat, hence the backbone |
| Nature just revealed by my grown-up cousin, I stacked | | | | shows prominently and gives the animal it colloquial |
| up a dozen lengths of stove wood, stuffed in a tow | | | | name.Charley squeezed off a shot and dropped the |
| sack of corn shucks and set fire to the lot.It made a | | | | razorback in its tracks. However, the bullet had only |
| dandy blaze -- much to my chagrin.The girls screamed, | | | | creased the skull of the wild hog and temporally |
| and the men folk dashed out of the house to throw a | | | | stunned it.What to do with an agitated razorback?An |
| couple of buckets of pump water on the fire. My | | | | inspired scheme took shape in Charley's fertile mind. |
| father dusted my britches and confined me indoors for | | | | Muzzling the animal and tying its legs, he hoisted it to |
| the rest of the day, "where the women can keep an | | | | his shoulders and set off for the church.It was turning |
| eye on you."Charley had sauntered off into the woods | | | | dusk, and the final session of the revival was well |
| immediately after setting me adrift on the sea of | | | | underway, when Cousin Charley slipped up to the rear |
| misadventure, though he undoubtedly watched the | | | | of the little country church. The razorback had |
| excitement from the safety of some convenient tree | | | | regained all it faculties and was squirming to free itself |
| top. Later that day he gave me a jack knife with a | | | | from its restraints. Charley was willing to oblige.Charley |
| one-inch stub of blade as a peace offering. "You | | | | eased the animal to an open window, snatched off the |
| musta got some soft wood mixed in there," he said | | | | ropes and shoved the frantic animal into the |
| sternly. I promised to be more careful next time.* * | | | | church.Women screamed, children hollered and the |
| *Charley hated going to church because he had to put | | | | men cursed -- thus undoing three days of dedicated |
| on his stiff, Sunday shoes and button his shirt collar.He | | | | evangelism. The minister ordered the choir to sing |
| would submit to the morning service with considerable | | | | "Onward Christian Soldiers" in hope of calming the |
| grumbling. Thereafter, however, he considered he had | | | | congregation, but this only added to the noise and |
| enough grace for another week and evaded the | | | | confusion.The wild pig scurried frantically under the |
| afternoon and evening services with a skill born of | | | | pews, popping up at the least expected places and |
| much practice.Aunt Minnie must have known, | | | | inspiring renewed screams with each sally. Men |
| therefore, that she was courting disaster when she | | | | wallowed on the floor trying to corner the intruder, |
| undertook to wash the whole family in the Blood of the | | | | bumping shins and heads with each lunge."Hell fire and |
| Lamb during a three-day revival meeting.An itinerant | | | | damnation!" shouted Uncle Virgil angrily -- along with a |
| evangelist had gotten lost in the "boot heel of Missouri" | | | | few other choice epithets from his justly famous |
| and was trying to work his way back into the main | | | | vocabulary -- as he sustained a sharp bite from the |
| stream of civilization by preaching the gospel | | | | razorback.It was an hour or so before the meeting |
| wherever an offering plate would be passed on his | | | | could be resumed under some semblance of |
| behalf.In those days, a revival was an endurance | | | | normalcy. But the spell was broken. There were no |
| contest between the minister and the congregation. | | | | more souls saved that night, although the collection |
| The objective was to whip up enthusiasm for the Lord | | | | was as good as could be expected under the |
| that lagged under the vicissitudes of a hard life. | | | | circumstances.* * *Uncle Virgil finally caught the pig and |
| Moss-back sinners, who seemed to abound in | | | | took it home for butchering. "I wonder who poked that |
| southeast Missouri, needed a powerful lot of | | | | critter into the church," he mused to Aunt Minnie.It was |
| persuasion.Three days of concentration on the project | | | | obvious to Aunt Minnie as to who was responsible. |
| was considered only once-over-lightly. A two-week | | | | Everybody's whereabouts that night could be |
| revival with an all night "gospel sing" and baptizing with | | | | accounted for except Charley's."It's blasphemy, |
| white robes in the river of the final Sunday was the | | | | Charles, she declared. "You'll burn for eternity in the |
| preferred procedure.Nevertheless, poor people had to | | | | fires of Hell if you keep this up!"Cousin Charley hung his |
| make do with whatever salvation was at hand.A | | | | head, but was unrepentant. "I jest wanted to see if the |
| bob-tailed revival meeting would have to suffice for | | | | preacher could tell any difference between the wild pig |
| Aunt Minnie's brood -- including Uncle Virgil and | | | | and all those screeching sinners."Uncle Bill clinched his |
| Charley.Cousin Charley, under extreme duress, | | | | jaw to keep from laughing out loud. He bit off the end |
| suffered through Friday night, Saturday night and | | | | of his pipe stem, but kept a straight face. "Now, Minnie, |
| Sunday morning - - an all-time record.Uncle Virgil was | | | | that's something to ponder, you've go to admit," he |
| "saved" on Sunday morning after some stiff nudging in | | | | said. "Besides, 40 pounds of sausage isn't a bad trade |
| the ribs from Aunt Minnie. He had taken the trip to the | | | | for 40 miserable souls."Lindsey Williams is a Sun |
| front row on several other occasions, but Aunt Minnie | | | | columnist who can be contacted at:Website: with |
| was never sure the conversions had taken firm root. | | | | several hundred of Lin's Editorial & At Large articles |
| She saw to it that salvation was administered at | | | | written over 40 years.Also featured in its entirety is |
| every opportunity as a sort of heavenly | | | | Lin's groundbreaking book "Boldly Onward," that |
| insurance.,Charley calculated his turn was coming up | | | | critically analyzes and develops theories about the |
| either Sunday afternoon or evening. The prospect | | | | original Spanish explorers of America. |