| It wasn't that Cousin Charley was mean,
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| | dinner, he stuffed some cold biscuits in
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| or even irreligious. He just had a hard
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| | his pocket, eased his single-shot 22
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| time figuring out where fun left off and
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| | rifle off the top of the kitchen cupboard
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| devilment started.Charley was a
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| | and quietly slipped away for a bit of
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| natural-born hell raiser in a time and
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| | hunting. It was certain that his outing
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| part of the country where dissent was
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| | would extend past the revival's last
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| tolerated -- if not admired -- if it was
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| | "hallelujah."Hunting licenses and game
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| imaginative and daring. My cousin filled
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| | seasons were unheard of. You shot
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| the bill admirably.I wasn't allowed to
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| | whatever wild animals or birds that
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| associate too freely with him because I
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| | jumped up in your gun sights. That day, a
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| was six years old and gullible -- while
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| | razorback hog come within range of
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| Charley was 15 and "full of the old
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| | Charley's rifle.Razorbacks are swine that
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| Nick." He once convinced me that "only
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| | have wandered away from farms and gone
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| soft wood will burn, but hard wood, like
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| | wild. Their descendants are long legged,
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| this here by the back door, will only
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| | muscular and agile. Without the easy
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| scorch if ya put a fire to it."If'in ya
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| | living of captivity, the wild hog has no
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| don't believe it, just try it. Here's a
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| | fat, hence the backbone shows prominently
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| match."Eager to test this Great Law of
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| | and gives the animal it colloquial
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| Nature just revealed by my grown-up
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| | name.Charley squeezed off a shot and
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| cousin, I stacked up a dozen lengths of
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| | dropped the razorback in its tracks.
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| stove wood, stuffed in a tow sack of corn
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| | However, the bullet had only creased the
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| shucks and set fire to the lot.It made a
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| | skull of the wild hog and temporally
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| dandy blaze -- much to my chagrin.The
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| | stunned it.What to do with an agitated
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| girls screamed, and the men folk dashed
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| | razorback?An inspired scheme took shape
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| out of the house to throw a couple of
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| | in Charley's fertile mind. Muzzling the
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| buckets of pump water on the fire. My
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| | animal and tying its legs, he hoisted it
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| father dusted my britches and confined me
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| | to his shoulders and set off for the
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| indoors for the rest of the day, "where
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| | church.It was turning dusk, and the final
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| the women can keep an eye on you."Charley
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| | session of the revival was well underway,
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| had sauntered off into the woods
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| | when Cousin Charley slipped up to the
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| immediately after setting me adrift on
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| | rear of the little country church. The
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| the sea of misadventure, though he
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| | razorback had regained all it faculties
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| undoubtedly watched the excitement from
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| | and was squirming to free itself from its
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| the safety of some convenient tree top.
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| | restraints. Charley was willing to
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| Later that day he gave me a jack knife
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| | oblige.Charley eased the animal to an
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| with a one-inch stub of blade as a peace
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| | open window, snatched off the ropes and
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| offering. "You musta got some soft wood
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| | shoved the frantic animal into the
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| mixed in there," he said sternly. I
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| | church.Women screamed, children hollered
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| promised to be more careful next time.* *
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| | and the men cursed -- thus undoing three
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| *Charley hated going to church because he
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| | days of dedicated evangelism. The
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| had to put on his stiff, Sunday shoes and
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| | minister ordered the choir to sing
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| button his shirt collar.He would submit
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| | "Onward Christian Soldiers" in hope of
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| to the morning service with considerable
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| | calming the congregation, but this only
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| grumbling. Thereafter, however, he
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| | added to the noise and confusion.The wild
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| considered he had enough grace for
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| | pig scurried frantically under the pews,
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| another week and evaded the afternoon and
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| | popping up at the least expected places
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| evening services with a skill born of
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| | and inspiring renewed screams with each
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| much practice.Aunt Minnie must have
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| | sally. Men wallowed on the floor trying
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| known, therefore, that she was courting
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| | to corner the intruder, bumping shins and
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| disaster when she undertook to wash the
| |
| | heads with each lunge."Hell fire and
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| whole family in the Blood of the Lamb
| |
| | damnation!" shouted Uncle Virgil angrily
|
| during a three-day revival meeting.An
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| | -- along with a few other choice epithets
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| itinerant evangelist had gotten lost in
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| | from his justly famous vocabulary -- as
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| the "boot heel of Missouri" and was
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| | he sustained a sharp bite from the
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| trying to work his way back into the main
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| | razorback.It was an hour or so before the
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| stream of civilization by preaching the
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| | meeting could be resumed under some
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| gospel wherever an offering plate would
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| | semblance of normalcy. But the spell was
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| be passed on his behalf.In those days, a
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| | broken. There were no more souls saved
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| revival was an endurance contest between
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| | that night, although the collection was
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| the minister and the congregation. The
| |
| | as good as could be expected under the
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| objective was to whip up enthusiasm for
| |
| | circumstances.* * *Uncle Virgil finally
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| the Lord that lagged under the
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| | caught the pig and took it home for
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| vicissitudes of a hard life. Moss-back
| |
| | butchering. "I wonder who poked that
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| sinners, who seemed to abound in
| |
| | critter into the church," he mused to
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| southeast Missouri, needed a powerful lot
| |
| | Aunt Minnie.It was obvious to Aunt Minnie
|
| of persuasion.Three days of concentration
| |
| | as to who was responsible. Everybody's
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| on the project was considered only
| |
| | whereabouts that night could be accounted
|
| once-over-lightly. A two-week revival
| |
| | for except Charley's."It's blasphemy,
|
| with an all night "gospel sing" and
| |
| | Charles, she declared. "You'll burn for
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| baptizing with white robes in the river
| |
| | eternity in the fires of Hell if you keep
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| of the final Sunday was the preferred
| |
| | this up!"Cousin Charley hung his head,
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| procedure.Nevertheless, poor people had
| |
| | but was unrepentant. "I jest wanted to
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| to make do with whatever salvation was at
| |
| | see if the preacher could tell any
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| hand.A bob-tailed revival meeting would
| |
| | difference between the wild pig and all
|
| have to suffice for Aunt Minnie's brood
| |
| | those screeching sinners."Uncle Bill
|
| -- including Uncle Virgil and
| |
| | clinched his jaw to keep from laughing
|
| Charley.Cousin Charley, under extreme
| |
| | out loud. He bit off the end of his pipe
|
| duress, suffered through Friday night,
| |
| | stem, but kept a straight face. "Now,
|
| Saturday night and Sunday morning - - an
| |
| | Minnie, that's something to ponder,
|
| all-time record.Uncle Virgil was "saved"
| |
| | you've go to admit," he said. "Besides,
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| on Sunday morning after some stiff
| |
| | 40 pounds of sausage isn't a bad trade
|
| nudging in the ribs from Aunt Minnie. He
| |
| | for 40 miserable souls."Lindsey Williams
|
| had taken the trip to the front row on
| |
| | is a Sun columnist who can be contacted
|
| several other occasions, but Aunt Minnie
| |
| | at:Website: with several hundred of
|
| was never sure the conversions had taken
| |
| | Lin's Editorial & At Large articles
|
| firm root. She saw to it that salvation
| |
| | written over 40 years.Also featured in
|
| was administered at every opportunity as
| |
| | its entirety is Lin's groundbreaking book
|
| a sort of heavenly insurance.,Charley
| |
| | "Boldly Onward," that critically analyzes
|
| calculated his turn was coming up either
| |
| | and develops theories about the original
|
| Sunday afternoon or evening. The prospect
| |
| | Spanish explorers of America.
|
| was too unnerving.Shortly after mid-day
| |
| |
|
